i heard your word

2006-07-05T21:10:00.000-05:00

this is klausie when he was one day old.

i volunteered to transfer, sort and burn 18 months worth of pictures (about 700) of my dad's so i could have his pictures of klaus and especially this one. he's computer-phobic, i guess. he switched back to his old-school camera because the card in his digital camera was full. i kept telling him you just plug it in and the pictures transfer, but he kept saying he didn't know how. i suppose someday klaus will think i'm a technological neanderthal too.

2006-07-05T21:05:00.000-05:00

flashback to klaus at three months. he was so soft. this was before he figured out how to laugh out loud. his face and body would laugh, but not his voice. brian and i would tell stories about him and say "he was laughing so hard" and then remember that he was silent. sometimes it blows my mind how much he can communicate without talking. i'm pretty sure he told me a joke tonight in morse code with his toe.

2006-06-30T22:34:00.000-05:00

klaus has six teeth now, and he can point. i get really happy when he points at me. he figured it out on father's day.

2006-06-30T22:18:00.000-05:00

all-time favorite typo:
beastfeeding

today someone warned me that if i don't stop 'mother henning' klaus he's going to 'turn out gay.' i was like, do you seriously think i would have a problem with that? not to mention that's not how it works and - most importantly and this is my main point here - I AM NOT MOTHER HENNING HIM. not a mother hen.

and yes, it was the same person that told me to get on with the spankings already.

2006-06-30T22:08:00.000-05:00

target has this baby shirt right now with a picture of a bottle and the words 'formula for success' on it. i get that it's a play-on-words kinda but . . . how can people not take that as saying formula is the way to go? and then, maybe i already ranted about this but i can't get over it - the 'natural feeding' thing. did i tell you about that one already? let's assume not. okay i was shopping at target and they've condensed the baby stuff all into one area, so i was getting familiar with the new layout and reading the signs at the end of each aisle. i was totally perplexed by the aisle labelled 'bottle feeding' and 'natural feeding'. uh-duh! they meant 'breastfeeding' but apparently you can't put up a sign that says 'breastfeeding' at the end of an aisle filled with breast pumps, breast pads, nipple cream and, um, nipples.

maybe all i talk about lately is boobie milk but it's seriously a major part of my day. and night. i don't think the topic of diapers would be an improvement.

2006-06-21T21:28:00.000-05:00

i've been enlightened. klaus is "not too young" for a spanking.

of course, i don't plan to spank that precious little bubble butt - not as a punishment anyway. i spank, squeeze and pinch it on a regular basis just because it's so darn cute. the best is when he's riding in the sling and i just get to hang on to his tushie while he drools and points at ceiling fans. speaking of slings, klaus totally nursed in his sling while we stood in line at cub today. it was awesome. someday we'll be in line at the grocery store and he'll be a big kid whining for a twix or a lighter or something, and i'll be wishing for these days when it's just so easy.

2006-06-21T21:26:00.000-05:00

cutest boy at the birthday party

2006-06-21T21:22:00.000-05:00

according to the take-home information i received at klaus's most recent doctor visit, at this age babies manipulate their parents by crying, eating or refusing to eat, smiling and looking cute. if i believed that, i would be in a serious panic right now because klaus is always doing two or more of those things. according to the same worthless piece of paper, weaning "cold turkey" could be uncomfortable for me. no mention of how it might make klaus feel.

2006-06-21T21:04:00.000-05:00

why can't bad advice ever die?

i had this girl recently insisting to me that sometimes it really is a good idea to give rice cereal to a newborn. i explained why it's not, and she explained why it is: so bigger babies (like klaus was) can stay full longer and won't need to eat as often. um, think about it. that is for the parents' convenience, not the baby's well-being. yet she heard it from a medical professional, so it must be in everyone's best interest, right?

then i had this guy telling me that if/when i get pregnant again, i have to wean klaus. i asked him what makes him think that. it's absolutely not true, although it is fairly common for nurslings to wean themselves during their mothers' subsequent pregnancies because the milk changes and/or decreases and some nurslings don't like that. "it would be bad for the baby," (meaning the fetus, not the nursling) he said. not true. the fetus gets first dibs on mom's nutrients, then the nursling, then mom. plus, a toddler is usually down to a couple sessions a day, not nursing around the clock like a newborn. well, my research is out the window - he knew he must be right because a "lactation person" told his wife that.

this kind of thing bugs me because i know how shaky it is to trust your insticts as a new mom because you don't want to screw up your kid, so you turn to your friends and family for advice and oh boy, are they ready with it.

2006-06-17T01:32:00.000-05:00

something happened last night. i tucked klaus in with the blanket i had made for him a few days before he was born. the blanket is basically two pieces of fabric sewn together, a front and a back. the front is part of an old light blue sheet, and on that i sewed ribbons and rick-rack and crap like that and a couple little cute pieces of fabric, in bright colors of thread. the back is a piece of light blue flannel printed with raindrops and umbrellas in pink, red and green. i hadn't touched the blanket for nine months.

when we came home from the hospital, i didn't come downstairs at all the first day. i knew my mom wanted me to not go up and down the stairs, so i just stayed up there with my baby, sleeping, nursing, and eating what my mom brought up for me. the next day i planned a trip to our living room. i mean, i was seriously going batty. i'll never be an elderly shut-in because i'd kill myself in a matter of days. so anyway, i was on the couch with my big boobs (it was the day my milk came in) and my mom was folding laundry - the "boy" clothes people had brought to us at the hospital. somehow my blanket was in the laundry. i felt so stupid when i saw it. klaus had plenty of cute, perfect store-bought blankets, plus a few beautiful afghans and quilts hand-made by people we love. why would he want to use my cruddy blanket? i was ashamed of it. the rick-rack curled up in the dryer, everything was askew and one edge was top-stitched instead of having a hidden seam. it just looked really sloppy and . . . not good enough. i buried it in the bottom of a basket in the corner of his room, behind my rocking chair.

so it was kind of strange that as i tucked in my boy last night, i made the effort to pull out that blanket. he already had two in his crib from the night before, but he has a little cold and i thought the flannel would feel good against his skin. it's still not a cute blanket. but last night, for some reason, for him, it seemed like the only one that would do. it felt really good to me too.

2006-06-14T21:20:00.000-05:00

my mom will be 50 on friday. when i emailed her a million beautiful pictures of klaus in our backyard (seriously i took approximately 1 million pictures exactly like this one) her only response was "i want to know if your boy is wearing girl clothes in those pictures." perhaps in her old age she has forgotten that she most certainly dressed me in my brother's clothes and apparently no one gave her the memo that BABIES DON'T CARE.

2006-06-14T21:11:00.000-05:00

klaus's third tooth busted through today. he is "cruising" now - for all you non-parents that means he grabs onto furniture, pulls himself up to standing, and then shuffles along the piece of furniture with those sweet marshmallow feet of his. soon he will be walking. when we play dance music (actually any music or clap our hands) he bounces his little body up and down to the beat. so awesome. he eats whole pieces of fruit (including the skin) and lentils and graham crackers. he's like a mini adult! at his nine-month check up last week, his doctor called him capable and handsome and said he looked very mature for his age. he didn't cry when the nurse poked his finger. that's right, my baby continues to rule.

2006-06-14T20:44:00.000-05:00

recently i walked into a room where someone was saying, "opinion should be based on fact" and turned to me and snapped, "right?"

i just said, "uh, i don't know." i've been thinking about the idea a lot though, and i've decided no, opinions should not be based on facts. opinions are all about feelings and experience. my opinion of a person, place or thing are all about how they make me feel, and my emotional reactions to them are based on my previous personal experience. am i wrong here? i could make a long list of negative facts about my best friends, my neighborhood, my favorite paintings . . . it's often not possible to get all the facts about anything, so we just have to trust our guts.

but opinions aren't limited to personal preference, so what about things like political crap? again, it's often not possible to get all the facts. add on top of that all the bad information out there. we may like to believe we form our opinions about non-personal stuff based on the facts, but i don't think that's really the case. this is why i think our education system is such a wreck. we're so focused on facts and "measurable" progress that we overlook the skills and assets we really need in order to evaluate a given situation and make a good decision.

no, klaus, this does not mean you will be a home-schooler.

2006-05-28T13:09:00.000-05:00

today, just now, in the car, i was listening to yesterday's 'a prairie home companion'. i wondered why garrison keilor's reading voice makes me weep with joy, since i used to find the show so annoying. well, even when i claimed not to like the show, i always loved 'the news from lake wobegon', and when i would pick brian up from overnights at the spur, way back when, i loved listening to 'the writer's almanac', to hear a couple of poems. and that's what it is, the poems.

one night when klaus was so very new, i settled into our bed with him curled up on me. i read 'good poems' to him, one after another, me crying and him snoozing like a kitten. the way we were separated had been so distressing, and that night was one of the early reconnecting sort of home therapy sessions. now he's so big, and he spends almost all of his day wandering a little farther and doing something a little more daring than he did the day before. i'm glad he still wants to curl up with me every night and be my sleepy little baby again.

2006-05-25T20:35:00.000-05:00

klaus said his first word today (twice!). i am very grateful to him for doing it on my lunch hour. he is so considerate. anyway, he turned and looked at brian and said "dada" . . . and then he did it again a few minutes later! it was like he wanted to prove to us that it really was intentional. i'm surprised he didn't add "boo-ya" after the second one.

2006-05-25T20:33:00.000-05:00

klaus eats everything now. peaches, cheese, toast, green beans - the sissy version of whatever we're eating. however, this does not stop him from getting his fill of mama milk 7 or 8 times a day.

2006-05-25T20:31:00.000-05:00

we generally let klaus roam free, but there are certain times every day when we have to put him in the play pen for safety (like when we take the doggie out). he doesn't mind though. he's very good at amusing himself.

2006-05-25T20:27:00.000-05:00

klaus decided to stick with army crawling. the going-up-on-all-fours wasn't an attempt to crawl "correctly" - he was just working on going from his tummy to sitting up. that way, when i put him down on his tummy in his crib to go to sleep, he can pop up to sitting, smile and clap his hands. like, "see, mama? i'm not tired. i'm ready to play."

2006-05-06T19:53:00.000-05:00

another simple little conversation. this one was told back to me a few hours later. i wasn't there. but it's just the kind of conversation i look forward to having with my klausie some day.

alex: do you like pacman?

brian: i like ms. pacman.

alex: what's ms. pacman?

brian: it's like regular pacman but pacman wears a bow.

alex: that sounds silly.

brian: yeah, i guess it is.

alex: want to know a secret?

brian: sure.

alex: i went pee in the potty.

brian: that's awesome.

alex: i know.

alex, if you're reading this, i want to tell you something. brian cannot keep a secret.

2006-05-02T12:27:00.000-05:00

i enjoyed this brief conversation on my lunch hour today, on my way out the door to head back to work. yes, i'm at work.

him: you look like a reporter in that jacket - like a sexy reporter.

me: you mean like april o'neil?

him: i never thought she was sexy, but yeah. sort of.

not interesting, but not about the baby for once.

2006-04-26T11:19:00.000-05:00

i love my boy, but fa rizzle, he used to sleep all night. now he wants to eat all night. he's a good boy and still mostly sleeps (he goes right back down after a suckle, no fussing) but i just plain don't like getting up every 2-3 hours for his snacks.

at first i thought it was teething or a growth spurt, but this phase has long outlasted those possibilities. so my next thought was, he's just not getting enough to eat during the day. he's not a fan of "real" food. we've given him all manner of delights, and he's entertained by the process of eating a few bites but that's it. finally i got him hooked on yogurt and these little puffy crackers that dissolve in his mouth. yay. the boy eats people food. but it doesn't make any difference.

is it possible he fakes hunger so i'll come and hold him? no, it's not. he's not old enough to manipulate. besides, rocking and cuddling do not cut the mustard. he's just a milk monster.

2006-04-21T10:06:00.000-05:00

it's david sedaris day!

see how happy klaus is about that? his grandma kim is babysitting him tonight. this is a picture of klausie's first easter. no chocolate bunnies for him until next year though.

okay for real, it's david sedaris day. at extremely high risk of sounding like my 5th grade teacher, mrs. munsterteiger, i am SO JAZZED.

2006-04-15T08:03:00.000-05:00

i've really been putting off this whole baby-proofing crap. before klaus was born, i thought all i had to do was plug in a few outlet covers and install little plastic latches to keep him out of the cupboards. believe me, he's not interested in outlets or cupboards. he wants the dog's dish, plastic bags, knitting needles, and anything dirty. he wants to grab table legs and shake them until something falls onto his head. maybe this makes my house sound messy. it might be, a little, but it's not like when you were a kid and your grandma said, "put one thing away before you take out something else." whatever we're doing, he's there. he's just waiting for us to look away so he can grab whatever it is we don't want him to have. baby-proofing would mean taking everything in our house and raising it three feet off the ground. i'd rather just pay attention to my baby!

2006-04-11T21:03:00.000-05:00

klaus is seven months old now, and such a good little boy. i finally knit the second sock for him, but his feet are too puffy. i'll just have to knit some more. he can sit up and play for a long time, and he makes a wonderful little screech when he's playing with his toys. he will be crawling any day. i can tell because he army-crawls everywhere, and he rocks on all fours. i love to watch him shake his butt in the air.

2006-04-11T21:02:00.000-05:00

klaus has two teeth.

2006-04-11T20:59:00.000-05:00

2006-03-21T21:15:00.000-06:00

i took this picture a couple weeks ago, when klaus became six months old. isn't he beautiful? i guess that's why i haven't been updating - i have no news. all i have to say is, my baby is still freaking perfect! i should just quit blogging until he turns into a 12-year-old jerk and i'm pulling my hair out. then again, i've heard of sweet 12-year-olds.

at klaus's six-month check up, he weighted 19 pounds 3 ounces and measured 28 inches long. his doctor called him strong, very capable, and delightful!

2006-03-21T21:10:00.000-06:00

the days of my baby staring blankly up at the bathroom ceiling are all gone now. i can't believe this is what bath time was like a couple weeks ago. now, as soon as i put him in the tub, he rolls onto his tummy and starts splashing. he loves to experiment with dipping his face into the water. when he gets a little in his mouth, he makes a cute little sputtering sound. well, cute and gross, considering i'm not a neat freak. i do not recommend drinking out of my bathtub.

2006-03-21T21:07:00.000-06:00

must . . . nibble . . . baby!

klaus is so scrumptious. i love him all the time, but when he's totally out like this, i can barely keep my hands off him.

2006-03-21T21:06:00.000-06:00

klaus got this fancy chair from his papa bruce's wife lindsey. he loves it because he can sit up like a big boy without fear of toppling over and bonking his head on the floor. klaus hates bonking his head.

2006-03-21T21:03:00.000-06:00

this is klaus going nuts over what we call his special rainbow, with a little help from daddy.

2006-02-27T09:28:00.000-06:00

klaus spent the weekend visiting his grandma. maya tried to show him how to play with all kinds of big-baby toys, and he snuggled with his new cousin in the making (expected to arrive in july). he also spent an hour alone with his uncle, watching the fire and learning to sit up - he's strong enough but doesn't quite have the balance. when we got home from grandma's house, it was boy-on-boy-on-boydog super happy reunion time. brian, klaus and camus were in a cuddling frenzy. also, camus is crazy over our new comforter, and he rubs himself all over it, which klaus thinks is hilarious. i love to hear my little baby laughing.

2006-02-18T05:04:00.000-06:00

klaus is normal!

klaus has uneven creases (basically his fat rolls don't line up on his butt and thighs), which is a warning sign of a hip defect where the joint is loose. it's not a problem for babies, but it is painful and debilitating for adults and has to be corrected during babyhood. another sign of the defect is one leg seeming longer than the other. the other day, i noticed his knees and feet don't line up anymore, so i called to let the doctor know. it might sound like something that could wait until his next regular appointment, but the treatment is more effective (therefore less insane) the earlier it starts, and even a month makes a difference. anyway, i took him in for an x-ray, and he's normal! well, other than his unmatchy rolls, knees and feet. i guess that's temporary. yay!

now i just have to get my hands on those x-ray films . . .

2006-02-17T07:19:00.000-06:00

add this to the list of stuff i didn't get pre-klaus. it's no use crying over spilled milk. why would anyone cry about that?

when i'm at work, i pump twice a day. each boob empties into its own little bottle, so i end up with four and i keep them in a cute little cooler. it's usually enough milk to make three bottles for klaus (i also come home and feed him on my lunch hour). when i get home at the end of the day, i set down all my things, including my big bag with the pump and the cooler, so i can check out my baby, feed him, talk to brian, pet the doggie, etc. so you can see how, on occassion, i forget to put the milk away. the first time this happened, it was a friday. i got up the next morning, realized what had happened, and went nuts. i was so mad at myself. i was swearing, slamming things around in the kitchen, and just basically crying my eyes out as i dumped those four little bottles of milk down the drain. later, i told brian i felt like i was dumping ounces of my own blood down the drain. okay, drama queen, but it is kind of like that. it's just that blood keeps me alive, and the milk keeps my baby alive.

i just keep making more, so who cares? i bet those little farm kids that had to get up at the butt crack of dawn to go milk bessie, and then do it again at the end of the day when they were soooo tired and just wanted to sit down, they know what i'm talking about. if they trip and fall and spill that milk, well they can just get more tomorrow, but what they went through to get it makes it worth so much. it's a big loss, that bucket of milk. but then, crying doesn't bring it back.

so, not that long ago, i knocked over a bottle of milk onto my desk. i caught it, but still spilled half of it. i'm so tough now, i didn't even bat an eye. that stupid saying is true! now if i had spilled it all over my lap, that would be another story.

2006-02-14T06:58:00.000-06:00

okay, i've been a bad, bad lady. you people probably think klaus is still a cute little four-month-old. no! he is five months! and he has been made tough by his first cold. all that coughing. he's a tiny man now.

klaus is taking his cold like he takes everything. he just rolls with it. it came on last weekend and it's still lingering around. that's so long to him that he probably doesn't even remember life without snot. i just hope he remembers life without night-wakey. see, little babies have to eat extra when they're sick to stay hydrated. i can't complain though. it's a couple times a night, for five or ten minutes, and we're both back to sleep.

meanwhile, cold and all, i've seen a really exciting development over the past couple of weeks. klaus and camus love each other. it is soooo cute. well, i already knew camus loved klausie, but now klaus loves watching the dog run around, eat, and act silly. camus is better at making the baby laugh than i am. the best part is when the dog sniffs all over him and tickles him with his whiskers.

2006-02-04T04:57:00.000-06:00

yesterday a girl i know told me her mom colors her dad's chest hair with just for men because she loves to run her fingers through it and hates when it's gray.

it's weird how something like chest hair can seem super hot to some people and super gross to other people.

2006-01-25T06:40:00.000-06:00

watch out! giant baby wants to get you.

i stayed home yesterday, not feeling good. it was great to spend the day with brian and klaus. well, what little bit of the day i was awake. i slept all morning and took a nap for two hours in the late afternoon. brian woke me up to feed klaus when he was hungry and made me a big yummy dinner after my nap (i didn't feel like eating earlier so i just had cereal). when i was awake earlier in the day i watched an episode of little house on the prairie. at night i taped klaus in the bathtub and wrote in his baby book. even though i had so many things i needed to do, that i couldn't, being housebound was the perfect way to spend the day. today - back to normal.

2006-01-23T20:58:00.000-06:00

um okay here's the general klaus update.

1. last night he slept 10 hours straight.

2. sometimes klaus rolls over from his back to his tummy and gets his fat legs wedged between his crib slats. it's sad.

3. supacute.

4. at his 4-month-old check up, aka well-baby visit, he had doubled his birthweight to 17lb 10oz. that is exactly the same as maya weighed at her dr appt this month. she's a year older than him.

2006-01-16T06:39:00.000-06:00

2006-01-13T06:30:00.000-06:00

meet brian junior. klaus loves wearing headphones. he feels naked without them.

2006-01-09T19:16:00.000-06:00

here are a few things klaus has made me see that i hadn't really thought about much before.

1. the baby
people refer to their babies as "the baby." it's weird. you'd think they'd say "our baby," "my daughter," "little johnny" or something else like that, more personal. of course people say that stuff too, but i even catch myself, in casual conversation, calling klaus "the baby." i think it's because, to all parents, theirs is THE baby. the ultimate baby. the standard to which all other babies should be compared. yes, i also call camus "the dog," but then having a dog is a really good practice-run for parenting.

2. pride and joy
calling something or someone your "pride and joy" is so overused it's lost all impact. why would i ever take a second to consider what the phrase means? but klaus is exactly that. if i made a list of everything that gives my life meaning or makes me feel like i am worth anything, all that stuff combined gives me about one tenth of a percent of the pride i feel in the simple fact of klaus's existence. likewise, round up everything in the world that delights me - every scrap of velvet, every deep voice, every ounce of chocolate - and i'd feel nothing compared to the joy i feel when klaus wrinkles his forehead or sweeps his hand around a certain way or sighs.

3. my mom's paranoia
do you know how terrifying it is to get in a car with your baby for the first time? or to go into his room when he's been sleeping longer than he ever has before? it's not that i'm actively thinking morbid thoughts. i just realize how easily his little life could slip away from me.

p.s. tonight klaus rolled tummy-to-back for the first time ever. and the second time ever!

2006-01-09T06:36:00.000-06:00

yes, klaus. this is how i feel about waking up, too.

klaus is four months old. he has outgrown his carseat. he has outgrown a thousand little outfits. he has outgrown falling asleep on my lap while i watch tv.

klaus is available for live viewing, in case any of you aren't sure you want babies. you do. he is so scrumptious.

2006-01-07T08:26:00.000-06:00

yesterday i was walking through the factory right before the shift change, and all the guys were cleaning up the steel shards from their workspaces. the factory gets filled with these beautiful little curls of metal, like shiny silver rotini. it reminded me of the first time i saw them, millions of them in a steel drum. i was probably 17 or 18. my dad was telling me not to touch them, because they're super sharp and they'll cut no matter how i try to pick them up. they'll just go right into my skin. i remember wondering if he knew that from experience, because he's always trying to get me to know things without going through the pain of learning for myself.

2005-12-31T20:24:00.000-06:00

it's new year's eve. you know what that means.

five things i liked about 2005:

5. i turned in my two final papers for my "incomplete" courses and actually really truly finished school.
4. pregnancy was awesome.
3. we went on a nightmare trip to london, but parts of it were really great.
2. i got a sweet job offer (from my current employer) and i took it. i start in a week.
1. i calved a klaus.

six resolutions for 2006:

6. read more
5. sew more
4. watch less tv
3. get rid of junk
2. call (or actually see) my friends
1. get healthy enough to spawn a sibling for klaus

basically i think from this list i will probably follow through with, um . . . okay it would be really easy to read more, because i barely read anything this year. crap that's not true. i read like crazy about baby stuff while i was pregnant. well, it would be easy to sew more. i could just do it once a month and that would be an improvement. i'll probably do that. i will absolutely watch less tv, because i just have less time for it now. i will call my friends. get healthy? well i suppose i'm healthy enough right now to get pregnant, but i should stop eating so much junk food and drinking so much pop and maybe get off my ass once in a while. like right now, to watch march of the penguins and eat celebratory cheese ball. happy new year!

2005-12-31T20:20:00.000-06:00

yeah, i'm negligent. here's a parade of klaus pictures from the past several weeks.

2005-12-17T08:30:00.000-06:00

so cute.

the other night, klaus discovered his feet. he was in the bathtub. for some reason, in the tub, he likes to fling his arms way out to either side and flex at the middle so his legs are in the air. in that pose, his feet are pretty close to his face. he saw his right foot, apparently for the first time, and just stared at it while he curled and uncurled his toes. then he grabbed it with his left hand and tried to pull it to his mouth! he's so wonderful.

2005-12-05T22:41:00.000-06:00

when i was pregnant, i used to say, "i can't believe i'm going to be someone's mom." even though i had fantasized about parenthood for a long time, it seemed so strange that is was going to be real - that someone would be calling me "mom" for the rest of my life.

now i guess i'm still saying the same thing. just about every day, i look into klaus's little round face while he's sleeping in my arms and tell him, "i can't believe you're my son." i used to think i knew what it meant to be in love and to be so deeply connected to someone that i would die without him. sorry, wonderful husband of mine, but i had no idea.

2005-12-05T06:17:00.000-06:00

i'm taking my two special guys to cedar rapids tomorrow. (my third special guy will be at the kennel.) i have some training stuff for work and i just couldn't stand the thought of being away from my little bundle for two nights. plus, the whole boob milk situation would be complicated. so we're all going. honestly, i'm a little jealous that brian and klaus get to spend two days watching cable from a king size bed. right now, that's my dream vacation.

2005-11-29T19:03:00.000-06:00

his feet await your smooches.

tonight i feast on carrots. i get heaps of carrots with my wic vouchers. i wonder why nursing moms need carrots. i didn't get them during pregnancy.

right at this moment my baby is trying to cram a burp cloth into his mouth. i must deal with this.

2005-11-28T06:00:00.000-06:00

i can't bring myself to include a picture of my boy in this post.

i was at target, shopping for totally normal items, when i saw the most bizarre product. feminine wipes. as opposed to masculine wipes? i'm so perplexed by this whole concept. i thought flushable adult butt-wipes were strange enough, but "feminine" wipes . . . it's just too much. what kind of ladyhell do you have to go through to believe you need this product?

2005-11-24T11:46:00.000-06:00

i'm always trying to remember things about when klaus was born. i have a lot of little 10-second pieces of it, but overall i don't remember much of what happened after i got drugs. i basically slept through the second half of labor. anyway, i've known the whole time that my mom videotaped a couple minutes of us together the night he was born - technically the next morning, like 3 hours later, when i first got to touch him. i knew this video existed, but i haven't watched it. i don't know why. i think i knew that i was miserable. i was really pissed that it took so long for them to bring my baby. i would have screamed for him if i had the energy. by the time i got to see him i was so exhausted and so mad, i guess i only wanted to remember the nice parts. well i watched it this morning. she taped a lot more than i realized! it was really great to hear his little newborn cry again. she taped him nursing, and you can see his little cheeks working super hard. she also taped when we first brought him home. brian had decorated the livingroom with streamers and balloons and a big welcome home sign. i had kind of forgotten about that. i look at him now and can't believe he was so tiny, only 11 weeks ago. i wish i had a video of his birth since i wasn't allowed to look (my mom did), but i'm really glad i have at least a few minutes documenting our first real encounter outside my belly.

2005-11-23T07:07:00.000-06:00

holy huge baby, batman! oh that reminds me, i watched batman begins a few weeks ago, and i totally loved it. anyway, back to the big boy. at 2 1/2 months, klaus is the size of the average 4-month-old. that's right. he's in the 95th percentile for height and the - oops! we can't give you a number, he's off the chart for weight. he weighs 14 lb 13 oz and is two feet tall exactly. he has one leg fatter than the other.

he was very good during his appointment. he got three shots in his roly-poly thighs, but he stopped crying as soon as i put him on the boob. he just loves food! he fussed a little last night, so we got in the tub and he loved it. he smiled the whole time. then he slept for 9 hours (actually he's still sleeping). i'm not bragging. i'm just recording all of this so that if i ever wonder, was he really a perfect baby or was i exaggerating, i can look back and see, yes, he was perfect.

2005-11-22T06:17:00.000-06:00

it's a very exciting day! today klaus will be weighed and measured and examined and injected with vaccines. i can't wait.

2005-11-19T08:57:00.000-06:00

can you stand it, how sweet he is?!

klaus is visiting his cousin maya this weekend. she loves babies. being one year old, maya is both a baby and a toddler. i love having so much access to a baby one year older than mine, so i can always say "by this time next year, he'll be doing that!" i can't wait to see what little maya is up to today.

2005-11-15T22:02:00.000-06:00

every day i hope klaus doesn't make the sad face, because it's so heartbreaking to see his chin quiver, but every day i hope he does, because it's just so funny and cute.

2005-11-14T08:26:00.000-06:00

i put my baby in his crib at 10:15 and got him up when my alarm went off at 6 a.m. he slept the whole time! i love him.

2005-11-10T20:53:00.000-06:00

if anyone can figure out what is happening in this picture, i will let you snuggle my baby.

klaus rules!

2005-11-06T16:38:00.000-06:00

am i a bad mother because i haven't sent out birth announcements yet? on the one hand, i'm thinking "what's the point, everyone already knows." on the other hand, i'm thinking "klaus is going to see that blank page in his baby book and say 'see! i have proof! you really are a horrible mother.'" birth announcements are, like, super important . . . according to magazines. i've only received one ever in my life and it was from my brother and sister-in-law. do people even bother with them anymore? should i do it or not?

2005-11-01T19:39:00.000-06:00

klaus is yelling because he can't believe what dorks i work with. i was walking down the hall with my big old black bag/case thing - my boob pump - and the guy walking down the hall behind me was like "hi marisa" and i was like "hi" and he was like "what are you doing?" which is a dumb question anyway because i'm at work, so in general i'm working, and i was like "i'm going to make bottles for klaus" . . . nice euphemism, huh? so i suppose i deserved his weird response, which was "oh, that sounds like fun." it's not torture, but it seems so creepy to call it fun.

then however many minutes later, i walked out of the bathroom (yes, i prepare my baby's lunch in the bathroom, isn't that gross?) and another guy was like "oh, what's that bag?" and i said "it's my pump" and he got all "i don't want to hear about it." well, why would you ask someone what their freaking bag is?! he deserved his embarrassment.

klaus is also pist that my dad quit parking next to me in favor of parking illegally in the handicap spot.

2005-10-23T08:49:00.000-05:00

well, we survived our first days of separation. i went back to work thursday! of course i came home for lunch, and then friday i had him with me in the morning because we went to la leche league, but we were separated for three 4-hour stretches. it was okay though. i don't want to say i didn't miss him, but i wasn't sitting at work wishing i could go home. i was just really happy to see him when i finally got to.

here he is, all content in his bouncer with a big, full tummy. he calls it pig out and pass out. i mean, he would if he could talk.

2005-10-18T22:44:00.000-05:00

this is how klaus yawns.

yes, he lives in this chair. he is wearing little rattles on his hands, and he was swinging them all over in the air, boxing. apparently it was exhausting.

2005-10-18T08:42:00.000-05:00

this is how klausie smiles.

on sunday klaus had his first (and second!) bottle. i spent the afternoon at my grandma's birthday party. it was a girl party, so i left klaus with brian. the old ladies were pissed and told me i was a bad mother because i didn't even bring any pictures. at least lindsey was there and had a picture on her camera. anyway, everyone else was all concerned that klaus wouldn't take a bottle, because some babies won't, but brian and i knew he would. he's such a hungry hippo. brian said he just stared into his eyes and sucked it down. i suppose cold milk is like a little ice cream treat after having the same old boring warm milk 8-10 times a day for your whole life.

2005-10-14T18:37:00.000-05:00

last night, klaus had his first real bath. he loved it! i know he seems old for a first bath, but his cord stump just did not want to fall off. it finally did. the days of sponge baths are over forever. well, for klaus anyway. now i will do my best to enjoy my last week at home with my delightful little bundle. i love how his tummy looks like a big balloon.

2005-10-12T09:02:00.000-05:00

klaus is a little traveller now. we spent last weekend in chicago (or really a suburb of chicago) for a wedding. brian suggested we go straight to the hotel and only leave it for the wedding. that was awesome. we got there, got in bed and watched cartoons. oh yeah, and we ordered pizza.

klaus was perfect at the wedding - he slept through the ceremony and then was very obliging with all the "it's a baby!" half-drunk women (and a few men). his favorite part was the dance of course. he loves noise and he loved watching the belly dancer.

the bride and groom were dani gallet and mazen ghalayini. brian calls the gallet girls his sisters. they're not, of course, but the gallets are so welcoming and so much fun, i can understand why anyone would want to adopt them. i just hope klausie never wants to leave us for the gallets or the new ghalayinis.

2005-10-02T10:58:00.000-05:00

well i just don't understand how a baby can be upset in stiped velour pants. and they're footey pants.

2005-09-26T18:33:00.000-05:00

the stats, for ann marie and anyone else interested:

at birth, klaus weighed 8 lb 13.5 oz. they said he would have weighed 9 lb but he pooped and peed on arrival, before they could weigh him. he was 20.5 inches long, and his head was 14 inches around. normal is 12 to 13 inches around - they said that's why he couldn't be born normally, and that his shoulders would have been stuck for sure.

at his two week check-up (this is the outfit he wore, in the picture), he had gained a pound and grew 3/4" longer and 3/4" bigger around the noggin.

i guess i never told anything about his birthday! i didn't realize, because i had been emailing it and telling people on the phone. i went in wednesday at 6pm (sept 7) to get this gel stuff to get my cervix ready. they hooked me up to monitors for four hours, and finally told me to just go to sleep. i was having too many contractions and they couldn't give me the gel. see, the induction doesn't work very well unless your body is pretty much ready to go into labor anyway. mine wasn't, because klaus's head wasn't low enough in my belly to help my cervix thin out, which has to happen before dilation. so the next morning we started the pitocin iv, which causes contractions, around 6:30 or 7.

my doctor came about 8:30. i was dilated to 2 cm and 50% effaced (thinned out). she broke my water, and the contractions started coming on pretty strong. it helped to move around a lot - walk around the room, lean over the bed, etc - and look brian in the eyes during contractions. it was more uncomfortable and disorienting than painful, until i had to sit still. the monitors weren't working very well, so they asked me to stay in the rocking chair i was sitting in. i really wanted to get in the shower because i thought the heat would help my back labor. it was 1:15 and i remember thinking, okay, i can get up at 1:30. i was still sitting there at 2:30 and they were talking about using an internal monitor, which would mean spending the rest of my labor in bed. i was only dilated to 4 cm - that's 2 cm in 6 hours. i'm supposed to be progressing more like 1 cm per hour.

i asked for stadol then so i could sleep if i had to be in bed. at first i was totally out, but as it wore off, i'd wake up for each contraction and they were a lot harder to deal with all doped up like that. the baby's head still wasn't moving down, and it was swelling from the pressure. my doctor suggested an epidural because she thought i was involuntarily pushing, and if i couldn't feel the contractions i wouldn't push. i wanted to wait and see if i'd dilate more, but the anesthesiologist had to leave soon so i said okay do it now. he tried to put it in a few times (this is the thing in the spinal fluid) but it wasn't working. i yelled every time he fucked it up, not because i was pissed, just because it surprised me to feel a pain shoot down my leg or whatever. he had to leave and come back later (they knocked me out again in the mean time) and i don't even remember him actually getting it set up, but he did.

after that i was really excited that i could still walk around and stuff, because i thought i would have no feeling at all. they just gave me a minidose at first i guess. but the situation still was, baby wasn't moving down and i wasn't dilating. my doctor was gone and i was in the hands of the on-call doctor, whom i had already met and liked and trusted so it wasn't a big deal. he asked, how big is this baby anyway? he seemed really pissed that nobody had kept an eye on the size of the baby, since i was two weeks overdue, but it wouldn't have mattered. if my doctor took measurements and said she thought the baby was too big, i still would have wanted to try a normal birth. anyway, he ordered an ultrasound around 7:30. brian was watching the season premiere of the o.c. but i don't really remember that. the ultrasound said the baby was 8 lb 11 oz but could be off by a pound in either direction. dr sebastian said if we had an 8 lb baby it would be no problem, but if it was 9 lb it wasn't going to work. he said we could do a c-section then and get it over with, or wait a couple hours and see if i progress more. i said wait. they cranked up the drugs (both the anesthesia and the pitocin, so i was having mega contractions but couldn't feel them). at 10 p.m. i was just shy of 5 cm - no real progress. that's when we decided to just go for it.

i don't really remember getting ready for surgery because i was so tired. i had said in my birth plan that i wanted general anesthesia for a c-section because i thought it would freak me out too much, but when the time came to do it i didn't care. i didn't think labor was that bad, but i also thought it was heavy enough that if i could deal with it, i could deal with surgery. my mom got all covered up in a blue outfit and mask and hat. brian waited at the nursery so he could be with the baby right away and see all the stuff they did to him. the surgery was awesome. it felt really strange, and when they pulled klaus out of my belly, i could feel my lower back lifting off the table. he was born at 11:06 p.m. and came out yelling. they held him up for me to see right away, then cleaned him up and wrapped him up and brought him over for me to look at. i couldn't touch him but i got to kiss his little face. i thought he was perfect in every way, right from the beginning. that's about it.

2005-09-26T18:26:00.000-05:00

klaus isn't a very fussy baby, but when he fusses, he knows what he wants. he wants to dance. if he is only mildly irritated, he'll take justin timberlake or fisherspooner. but if we don't act fast enough and he gets really pissed, he wants jay-z, the black album, and will accept no substitutes.

this picture was taken thursday, klaus at two weeks old.

2005-09-23T17:09:00.000-05:00

klaus is such a big, sweet bundle. at his doctor appointment i found out he gained a whole pound and grew 3/4" longer. his head also got 3/4" bigger around, which seems really weird to me, but i suppose that little brain is growing every day.

i took this picture earlier this week, so maybe he was 10 days old. i don't know. his face is not dirty - he has peachfuzz sideburns.

2005-09-21T10:12:00.000-05:00

picture of the day - this is klaus six days old (a week ago).

my mom is visiting today and we're taking the pretty baby out and about all afternoon. i love showing him off. i'm really excited for his doctor appointment tomorrow so i can know how much he weighs!

2005-09-20T13:34:00.000-05:00

we have a baby!

i've been in baby world since september 8th. if i'm not busy feeding or changing him, it's pretty hard to do anything other than stare at him. oh yeah, i still get to eat and sleep, so that takes up a lot of time too.

his name is klaus porter ring. he's perfect.

2005-09-07T17:07:00.000-05:00

if they're not lying to me, we really are going to have a baby. we go in tonight, sleep over, and they'll start an iv in the morning to get contractions going. from what i've heard, it just goes right into serious labor - no warm-up, 10-minutes-apart stuff. we're getting right down to business. my doctor did warn me though that it could take up to 24 hours, so i guess technically we might have a baby friday. i can't wait to post pictures when the nose is no longer smooshed by my belly!

2005-09-02T08:43:00.000-05:00

this is my baby totally out of room - look at that smooshed nose! the messy stuff at the bottom is a hand trying to get in the mouth.

2005-08-31T16:04:00.000-05:00

hmm . . . i guess i'm not having an august baby after all. i have a dr appointment tomorrow, and we'll set the induction date. i think the latest i can pick is september 8, two weeks late, but i'm not sure what days my doctor will be available to do it. i'm excited to know that even if i don't go into labor sometime this week, the baby will still be here by that day for sure.

even more exciting than that: between now and whatever date we choose, so probably tomorrow, we'll have testing to make sure the baby's doing okay in there (check that the placenta is still doing its job and there's enough fluid, etc). that probably means an ultrasound, right? i hope so. i like to spy on my baby.

2005-08-27T07:25:00.000-05:00

this is what my belly looks like today, at 40 weeks plus a smidge extra.

i never really got morning sickness. i felt queasy for a couple months, and got really picky about what i would eat, but i never had to run to the bathroom to puke. the only times i puked were when brushing my teeth (2 or 3 times) and only when i skipped supper the night before, so there really wasn't anything in my stomach - it was mostly gagging and wretching. anyway, i was brushing my teeth this morning and i puked for real. i ate supper twice last night.

2005-08-26T13:26:00.000-05:00

OKAY

it's my due date! i'm ready. and i'm sick of people being like, let that baby out. fuck you, okay. it's not like i'm withholding a poop here. i'm not in control of when the baby is born.

on the other hand, i like when people call to check on me. i know it's because you're excited for baby time, and so am i, so keep calling. i'm sorry i do not return your phone calls. i forget.

oh, but if you're calling to say TAKE THE DRUGS, don't call. i'm so sick of it. i don't bring it up - i didn't ask for advice and i don't go around telling people my opinion about it, so why the hell do people want to keep saying TAKE THE DRUGS?! and why men? what do they know about it? and the only women who say it either don't have kids, or never did it without drugs. the women who did it without drugs are always like, "it was the greatest day of my life" and "you can totally do it" and stuff. so everyone else can shut up.

yeah, i know i sound angry, but i'm actually totally happy. violently happy.

2005-08-17T03:53:00.000-05:00

i was reading articles on this baby website i'm constantly on, and i read one on the "essentials" you need for the first few weeks (as if my house isn't overflowing with enough stuff for 10 babies). the article sucked because, like, anyone could figure out you're gonna need diapers. you're gonna need clothes. it was the most basic stuff like that. so i started reading the comments after the article, to see what people really couldn't live without. that was a lot more fun, but i get annoyed with the way people talk about unrelated stuff in the comments on this website. people will ask insane questions they should be calling their doctors about immediately. or, okay, some of the questions aren't emergency health concerns, but it's stuff they could easily find out about in another article on the same freaking website. anyway tonight (um this morning or whatever) i saw one i really liked even though it was terribly off-topic:

baby look like a biutiful wild flower when born

i would way rather have that lady be my mom than this lady:

my baby's head is only 30cm. Anyone else's child that small

or this one:

Is eating to many pickles a high blood pressure risk while in second trimester?

or this one:

i have a 180lb lab / mastif mix (conan) and he is my baby. i rescued him 2 years ago from an abusive home and the poor thing has sever brain damage, and trust issues. he and i took to each other almost imediatly but it took 3 months for my husband to be able to approach him. now Conan has become so protective of me that he doesn't let people he doesn't know come near me. he has never really bit anyone but is very clumsy and thinks he is still a 'small' puppy. i'm worried that he will hurt the baby accidently. Conan does everything short of comeing to work with me. he sleeps with me (my husband works nights) and is never gone from my side for more then 10 mins at a time while i am home. is there anyone out there who has expirance with special needs pets who might have an idea on how to introduce this new family member to him with out making him jealous of the mommy time he will be loosing? oh yeah and i am having a home birth.....my brother has planns to 'walk' conan through most of it and take him to the local dog park to play but then when he comes home mommy will have a new baby....my husband wants to find him a new home but i can't part with him.... he has been my companion for two years and i love him to death....so please any suggestions would be greatly appreciated

that same weirdo also went on forever about how uncomfortable the military's maternity gear is and how she has to, pardon her pun, go commando because she can't stand the pressure of underwear on her belly. at least her dog has "never really" bitten - do you think that means he tried and failed?

i swear, these were all on the first page of comments about the article on newborn essentials.

2005-08-11T10:14:00.000-05:00

hmm . . . i guess i've been a little preoccupied.

two weeks left until my due date - so the baby could come any time or not for what seems like a long time, but for sure less than a month. i look like a wood tick. not a normal one, but one you find way later on your dog, fully inflated. can't. move.

2005-07-22T19:59:00.000-05:00

i smelled this certain kind of hairspray in the bathroom at work that really sent me back to sixth grade and abbie gullickson and her freaking girbaud jeans and her crush on this boy who drove around her neighborhood in a golf cart. why is smell such a strong memory jogger?

also, the doctor said i can go ahead and have the baby any time now! the baby's done. it's just getting fatter in there so it can stay warm out here. i think we'll hang on to pregnancy a little longer. i like it, and brian has volunteered to tie my shoes for the duration. plus it makes me sad to think my nice pumpkin belly is going to turn into a puddle of fat. not that anyone's going to look at my belly once we have a cute baby to make faces at. but still.

2005-07-20T09:06:00.000-05:00

this is how my belly looks from my point of view, at 34 weeks (a few days ago). see my cute puppy hiding under my chair?

2005-07-18T12:40:00.000-05:00

tomorrow is july 19 - one month from the day i think the baby is coming. it's marked on our calendar at home as NO TV DAY. that's right. tomorrow i temporarily say goodbye to tv while i mentally prepare for my baby's birthday. i don't need some fast food jingle replaying in my head while i'm in the middle of some super holy moment. that's what happened to andrea on a vision quest - her dreams were all cluttered up with tv commercials. but man, i hope there's something good on tonight.

2005-07-17T06:57:00.000-05:00

my cousin cortney, my puppy camus, my belly and i had plans to go to the swimming hole friday, but we were rained out. instead, cortney made a delicious picnic and we sat on big rocks by the lake (in two harbors). camus stayed at my grandparents' house with his friends, chance and bob. it felt so good to get a little bit chilly in the breeze. other people were around, but not right near us. we just sat and talked (and pigged out a little).

we're all making plans for my grandparents' 50th anniversary in august. it's pretty amazing to me, what we're celebrating. i've always thought of an anniversary as being only about the couple, but in this case i'm thinking a lot more about the result of their marriage, since i'm a part of it. ed and doris have five children, bruce-barry-cyndi-ken-greg. they have 16 grandchildren right now, but greg (their youngest) has just started his family and plans to have at least one more. they have one great-grandchild (and hopefully only one at the time of their anniversary, because i really want to go to it, and not with a newborn). so altogether, counting ed and doris and all their offspring and spouses, their family is 32 people. if we were having a little more sex (or being a little less careful) we totally could have made it to 50 - i've got plenty of cousins of childbearing age. and it all started in a tiny trailer, parked in my great-grandparents' yard, where doris tucked her baby, my dad, into his dresser drawer every night. i'm not kidding.

anyway, it also makes me sad. this big event seems to be rounding things out for them, and it makes me feel like the way i grew up is really ending. it's getting too complicated for everyone to get together at christmas, in the house they built together in the woods. i don't think they even want to live there anymore - it's too much work for 70-year-olds. the littlest cousins aren't going to play in the crick or those woods or up in the barn. they won't even know about it. not that they'll be deprived. it will just be different for them, and they won't know what it was like for us. i suppose we don't know what it was like for our parents to actually live there, when they still had chickens and horses and their life there was about working rather than playing. and i guess some other family will live there. i hope they sit and sing in the livingroom, and walk to the culvert to pick raspberries, and i hope they find the swimming hole and notice how many stars you can see in the winter when the air is cold and clear.

2005-07-12T06:24:00.000-05:00

i have discovered the STALL OF DEATH! brian and i met for lunch at this deli crap (i'm never going there again because their menu tricked me into thinking stuff sounded good but it would have been way better if i made it myself) and i was a little early so i ran to the bathroom on the first floor of the so-called tech village. i walked into this bathroom stall that was so long and narrow i felt like i was walking through a tunnel. the toilet was installed way over to one side, for some reason, and the toilet paper roll thing was on the wall on that side of the stall, almost blocking my approach. you can imagine me, with my gigantic balance-eliminating pouch on the front, trying to back up, swerve around the toilet paper thing, and land on that toilet, all at the same time. only half my ass hit the seat. i had to use the wall to push myself over. it was terrifying, and once i was all the way to that end of the stall, looking toward the door, the tunnel seemed more like a pit i fell into. so now you know. just use the bathroom in pizza luce.

2005-07-11T03:47:00.000-05:00

i wish i were sleeping right now, and i want someone to take a picture of my big belly.

2005-07-07T04:35:00.000-05:00

i don't know where i got the crazy idea that the room would be done last weekend. there's still a lot more work even before painting can happen, and after that it still won't be ready to become a cute little nursery. maybe this waiting stuff isn't so bad though - i've been waiting for an hour and a half to fall back asleep. i gave up. i'm glad i got out of bed because i finally made the juice that's been in the freezer for a week, yum!

it was so nice to have a long weekend. on monday instead of working, i took a nap, sat in the back yard with the puppy, reading in the shade, made eggs benedict arnold (no meat!), took another nap, went swimming, ate a lot of taco dip and fruit salsa . . . i wish i could do that every day.

one of my coworkers moo-d at me yesterday. i was like, i moo at you. what the hell? what does that mean for someone to moo at me, anyway?

2005-06-28T06:20:00.000-05:00

waiting is not my special skill. my parents are coming up this weekend so brian & john can paint the baby's room while my mom and i do something non-toxic. i've been pretty patient about getting the room ready, since i didn't really have anything to put in there anyway, but the last few weeks i've been going crazy. everybody gave us all these really sweet tiny baby things at the showers, and i want to put the clothes away in the dresser and closet, and i want to look at everything and play with everything, and i want to sit in my glider (which is still in the box). now that i get to do it in less than a week, i'm going extra mental. the last straw - i came home from work last night and found a crib on my front porch. now i have everything i need to get my nursery set up except the room. oh yeah, and the baby. but that part i can wait for.

2005-06-23T09:04:00.000-05:00

when my family moved from duluth to wayzata, one of my mom's first priorities was to get me into piano lessons with the lauritzens. evelyn started out little kids and beginners (she also taught organ and voice). adrian taught adult/advanced in the basement. i was in first grade when i started, and i never called them anything other than mrs. lauritzen and dr. lauritzen.

they lived in a little house in plymouth, with a big fir tree in the front yard and hostas lining the sidewalk that curved up the hill to the front door from their basement-level driveway. the entryway had gold foil wallpaper with a royal blue flocked floral pattern on it, which i thought was really velvety and beautiful. evelyn had the livingroom set up with cute old furniture, a lava lamp, and a bunch of kids joke books and stuff you could look at for a few minutes while waiting for your ride (or a half hour if your mom was super late like mine). she had a piano and an organ right next to each other, and you had to play the organ at christmastime even if you didn't want to. we also had recitals every spring, like it or not. if the phone rang during lessons, she answered and took a message (for adrian or herself), or paged adrian on an intercom if it was really important.

evelyn wanted me to switch to adrian in seventh grade, but i was scared to, so i waited an extra year, and only had lessons from him for eighth and ninth grade. his basement had two pianos, built in bookcases full of classics, and a terrarium. as soon as i started lessons with him, i wished i had switched sooner. adrian talked about music in a really emotional and dramatic and joyful way, and he picked better songs than evelyn did (classical only, for both of them). he was fifteen years older than evelyn, who was the same age as my grandma. adrian had taught both my mom and my grandma, and he sang at my grandparents' wedding. he used old expressions that i didn't get and he'd explain them to me, like "and how!"

i got an email from my mom last night that adrian died monday. he was 97.

2005-06-17T13:05:00.000-05:00

i expected brian to get freaked out by our classes, but not me. oh boy was i wrong.

i had decided right away that i want a normal, no-drug birth, so that's all i've been reading about - i'm not prepared for anything else. watching the videos of epidurals and c-sections - holy shit. it was terrifying! at least it reassured me that, yeah, i still don't want drugs.

2005-06-13T10:03:00.000-05:00

this is my belly, with 8-12 weeks to go. it looks bigger in real life, i swear!

2005-06-08T14:19:00.000-05:00

brian and i started our baby-havin' classes on monday night. it was really fun but not so educational. they assume you know absolutely nothing, and i've been reading obsessively for six months. not that i didn't learn anything - it's possible baby bubble may be dreaming in there. now that's something that never crossed my mind.

tonight we get to watch a birth video. i'm really excited, but since this is the high point of the class for me, i don't know whether i'll look forward to the other four sessions. oh who am i kidding. i get to indulge my baby obsession with other baby-obsessed people. and if i get to class early, i get to peek in the nursery!

2005-06-06T06:15:00.000-05:00

my dog went swimming! we were at my dad's house. camus was playing with a bunch of other dogs that all run around and play along the lake, and he ran right off the end of a dock. he's so cute.

i do not have gestational diabetes! it's something they test everyone for. you have to not eat, and then drink a magic potion that's like thick sprite (i guess they also have orange but i didn't get to pick), and then wait an hour. then they check your blood, and i won. then i ate a big piece of chocolate cake. man, i wish i had some cake right now.

2005-05-31T06:09:00.000-05:00

i had so much fun that i'm not ready for everything to go back to normal.

saturday i drove over to brainerd to visit some friends (three sisters) and their parents and new families (two husbands and a baby). pat had warned me there weren't a lot of places to stop on the way, but she told me she always stops at this cute little rest area. i have to pee at least every hour, so when i was coming into tamarack and saw a "wayside rest area ahead" sign, i was really happy because i thought that was it. it was a playground with two little red homemade pee shacks. i didn't stop there. i was so grossed out, like, i can't believe pat pees here on a regular basis. oh yeah, there were gas stations but i was scared of them. then i saw the same sign right as i was getting to mcgregor, and that one was cute and i knew it was the right one. even though it was still kind of gross and there was no sink, i thought, oh well there isn't anywhere else to pee. except about 1/4 mile later there was a normal gas station! not scary at all. i considered stopping there to wash my hands but i was off to a late start already so i didn't. on the way out there i saw llamas and a pretty black chicken, and i saw the llamas again on my way home.

sunday was a normal one. cleaning, errands & laziness, but it was really nice to spend the day with brian after he had been busy all week (we barely saw each other).

yesterday i slept until 10, which is freakish for me. i normally can't sleep past 7 or maybe 7:30. then we took the puppy to jay cooke and found out he's a really good little climber. he loved thåt. i weed wacked while brian finished the laundry, and then we made pizza. i don't want to go back to work! at least it's a short week.

2005-05-26T08:52:00.000-05:00

i have a new sleep problem. i can only make it about six hours without EATING! i wake up hungry and can't go back to sleep until i eat. now that i've figured it out, all i have to do is make my snack ahead of time and leave it next to my bed (so i don't have to go downstairs and get even more awake). pb&j is doing the trick so far, but does anyone else have a good midnight snack idea that doesn't have to be refrigerated?

2005-05-24T15:03:00.000-05:00

our neighbors freak me out a little. sunday our neighbor on one side asked if we wanted him to mow our lawn when he did his (which he didn't end up doing until today). brian was like, thanks but i have to pick up the dog crap. (you know, it's been raining. no one wants to pick up mushy poop.) eddie was like, i just mow right over it. brian was like thanks for the offer man, but i'll take care of it.

then yesterday, apparently our neighbors on the other side said something about it to brian - like they can talk! they were just mowing theirs, right then, so i don't think they can act like they're keeping their crap tidy and we're not. plus they leave toys and other junk outside. so, yeah.

anyway, brian and his allergies mowed the lawn today. he's so dreamy.

2005-05-20T08:44:00.000-05:00

oh man, i forgot my whole reason for posting this morning. i was a little out of it.

so for over a month, brian has been saying we have to get george michael's faith. i don't know where that came from, but i thought it was a really good idea and we finally did last night. it rules. it really reminded me of being on the swings at my elementary school, and the mean rich girls, and making those molded bird feeders out of glue and bird seed. (is the glue really safe for birds?) anyway, it's not like i love it in a kitschy way - it's truly amazing. i got a little freaked out when brian said it's like nine inch nails, but he's right - the downward spiral is exactly like faith but remade with heavier, scary sounds. that's it. and closer is a direct rip-off of i want your sex, only not even as good! because when trent is all screaming i wanna *vacuum* like an animal, it's like, yeah okay whatever trent. it's so unconvincing. compare that with george michael being all dreamy like, i want your [insert foxy breathing here] sex, it's way hotter. yeah, there is nothing hot about nine inch nails.

2005-05-20T06:36:00.000-05:00

today i'm only working 1/2 day and then hanging out with my mom. we're going piano shopping, lunching, baby doctoring, and regular shopping. if i have any baby news, i'll update tonight. my little bundle is getting close to two pounds now (could even be two whole pounds!) and today was the first time it kicked hard enough to wake me up. that was awesome.

so i realized i'm a really bad hostess. scott and nick were kind enough to come over for dinner, and i didn't notice until after they left that scott ended up with the broken chair. mean!

sunday we're going to kylie mae's first birthday party. i don't know what a one-year-old would like for her birthday . . .

2005-05-19T12:37:00.000-05:00

guess who came back - my cormorant! i saw him on my way home for lunch, so i got my camera. he wasn't there when i got back, but maybe i'll get him tonight. yay!

2005-05-17T15:03:00.000-05:00

what should i do with my graduation outfit? right now it's wadded up on a little table right inside the front door, and i need that table clear for other junk. i'll keep my ugly tassel, but i don't think i have any use for the cap & gown - any ideas besides goodwill? something crafty perhaps?

2005-05-12T12:20:00.000-05:00

i love all the animals around here - i would be so depressed if i had to live somewhere without them. we have cute little birds and bunnies by our house, and i'm sure there are deer nearby. i have seen beavers three times (today, yesterday, and last year i saw a baby & mommy!) playing next to the highway between 27th & 40th. down by work (connor's point) we have herons, ducks, eagles, and of course a million geese. my dad has seen owls down here too. my favorite bird on connor's point is this really sweet little yellow warbler. he always plays in the chain-link fence that separates our parking lot from the brush along the water. i'm really sad because i haven't seen him yet this year. i also haven't seen our cormorant, but i'm not giving up hope - as soon as the water goes down enough to expose the rock he fishes from, he'll be back.

2005-05-12T06:31:00.000-05:00

yesterday i picked up my cap and gown and tassel for commencement this weekend. i was going to put it on and run around the house, but laziness overtook me. i'm just not that excited - for one thing, i'm done with all my classes but i still have to do two papers (stop saying i told you so, nick!). also, i only got 4 tickets. at first that seemed like more than i could use, but i was wrong. i didn't even want to do it, but brian and my mom really wanted me to, so obviously they get to go. then since my mom and stepdad are driving up together from the cities, of course john should go. then there's my dad and oops! out of tickets. i don't know why anyone would want to sit in the decc for three hours waiting for my belly to get a fake diploma or whatever this ceremony entails, but apparently i'm wrong - i had to reject a bunch of people. now i'm questioning whether i was right to talk my mom down from an open house to dinner with the fam (including the rejected people). i just didn't think it would be nice to invite my entire extended family to an event that basically exists so they can give me money when my only motivation for enduring this crap in the first place is so i can bust out this cute black maternity dress i may not have another chance to wear.

2005-05-10T10:18:00.000-05:00

this is the rug, only it's a little brighter in real life. it's also GIANT.